This poem touched on two different aspects.One the agony of losing a baby before birth,while other one touched the broken dreams.Small but very stimulating poetry.
Very concentrated and a solid conclusion, but I'm left wanting just a little more context-who, where, how, etc somewhere to focus the cause and effect. Still, better to have a short and concise poem where the reader is left with questions than spelling it out and losing the impetus.
Hedgewitch, I appreciate the question you have raised. I too often wonder how much to add to a poem and how much to leave out. This one began with many more details. That seemed a trifle dull.. so the chopping and chiseling. Now it is more to do with the reader than the poet.
Rather wonderful, Alaka and with a flat and painful longing.
ReplyDeleteDeep and touching!
ReplyDeleteAnita, Bindhu,
ReplyDeleteThanks.
This poem touched on two different aspects.One the agony of losing a baby before birth,while other one touched the broken dreams.Small but very stimulating poetry.
ReplyDeleteThanks Nithin.
ReplyDeleteThe poem has only one focus. Of course interpretations can vary, but the 'baby' here is of mental origin rather than physical.
A mother knows the pain of a lost child; God knows the pain of a dead creation! Beautiful put!
ReplyDelete[my poetry at:
http://diaryoffreedom.tk/ ]
Thought provoking words so well written.
ReplyDeleteAnita.
very questioning poetry, deep and touching.. well written Alakaline!
ReplyDeleteRally Week 32, My Entry
Very concentrated and a solid conclusion, but I'm left wanting just a little more context-who, where, how, etc somewhere to focus the cause and effect. Still, better to have a short and concise poem where the reader is left with questions than spelling it out and losing the impetus.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Anita and Leo.
ReplyDeleteHedgewitch, I appreciate the question you have raised. I too often wonder how much to add to a poem and how much to leave out. This one began with many more details. That seemed a trifle dull.. so the chopping and chiseling. Now it is more to do with the reader than the poet.
But never-born children –
ReplyDeleteHow do you bury those...
super empowering lines,
masterfully done.
Really understated, which I like. You take few words to say something so meaningful; I'm so impressed!
ReplyDeletethe ending is so powerful... it hits the reader... beautifully written
ReplyDeletethis is painful, how does one bury the unborn?
ReplyDeleteyou painted the image of a blood drenched killing field... must say excellent work
ReplyDelete.Mase Da Rula.
A Ruler's Kingdom
http://dieselfromthad.wordpress.com
this is truly an amazing poem.
ReplyDeleteBut never-born children –
ReplyDeleteHow do you bury those?
How do you grieve for something that never happened? Thought-provoking. :)
Yuuki-chan:
http://sugaryichigo.wordpress.com/2010/11/06/gedankenblitze/
hey, thanx all..
ReplyDelete@sugaryichigo: the person grieves precisely because something that they wanted to happen, never can happen anymore..and that is why the question.
I love this...
ReplyDeleteespecially the last two lines...
amazing :)
Thanks Sumit.
ReplyDeleteVery wonderful... I enjoyed it. Thanks for sharing...
ReplyDeleteॐ नमः शिवाय
Om Namah Shivaya
Twitter: @VerseEveryDay
Blog: http://shadowdancingwithmind.blogspot.com
great piece. makes you think about your theme and subject. poignant...
ReplyDeleteThought proving. Simple poem and very meaningful. :)
ReplyDeleteAlakaline, a lovely piece and beautifully written. A sad subject
ReplyDeleteVery true, jackjericho.
ReplyDelete